


and i cant feel at home in this world anymore

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Forced Prostitution, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, lemme know if you need anything else tagged., this isnt as hard core as it sounds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-11-04 16:46:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17901815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: alex escapes from a brothel he's been in for 12 years and finds some unlikely friends.





	1. In which john meets alex.

**Author's Note:**

> so i was looking at my old fics and came across this one, and thought that it was kind of sad that for all the effort younger me put in it, it wouldnt ever see the light of day. 
> 
> until i remembered oh, right. ao3 exists.
> 
> lemme know if you want me to tag anything, and beware, this is pretty old and not at all proofread as far as i can remember, so dont expect yourself to be blown away by it

John lived in the city and hated it. So why he was taking a midnight stroll was beyond him. Honestly, all the traffic and people, constantly moving and making noise just grated on his nerves. Not to mention the ridiculously expensive apartments, which was the whole reason why john was even living with his two other friends in the first place. Don’t get him wrong, it wasn’t as if they were bad friends, just…annoying. In fact, a few months ago john came home from a hard day of nursing, only to find lafayette and hercules gushing over tiny kitten they’d had found on the streets. In any other circumstances john wouldn’t have been mad as he was then, but one thing to note was that the kitten was drinking HIS milk. He and hercules had argued over lafayette, who was on the couch cuddling the kitten to their face. (john had to suppress a sardonic smile at the memory, noting that the scene in their apartment that day was not unlike when john was child. Him being his father, hercules being his mother, and lafayette with the kitten being ten-year old john with his siblings.) eventually, laf intervened and made them go to sleep and continue with the argument in the morning, if they must. The next day, the idea of owning a cat was not as cat(hah)astrophic as it was the day before.

  


John chuckled to himself as he reached in his pockets to pull out a cigarette and lighter. Ever since then, the kitten, named ‘gilbert’ (by lafayette, the self-absorbed fuck.) has become a beloved family member ever since then. Although it hated john, but he could never really fault it for that. 

  


He turned a sharp left to a street where it was more isolated and quiet. He put the cigarette in his mouth and lit it. Taking a drag, he breathed it out and sighed. John hated that he was addicted to smoking. At first he only did it as a teenager to piss off his dad, but then he just couldn’t stop. His friends were trying to get him to quit. Laf saying that he would look fifty at thirty, and herc nervously joking that it was really ironic that he was a nurse who smoked. He  _ was _ going to quit. Eventually. 

  


John was just about to turn a corner when a blur of neon pink and tan skin came crashing into him with such force that it knocked him onto the ground. He found himself lying flat on the concrete floor with a headache and a heaving, shaking body on top of him. That wasn't good.

  


"Shi- uh,Hey man, are you okay?” he hastily asked.

  


Despite his headache, he lifted his head off the concrete to take a look at whoever came barreling into him at four in the morning. He'd expected to see maybe a disgruntled late-night jogger, or perhaps just a buzzing, college student who’d drunk way too much coffee, and was running to get his energy out. What he didn’t expect to find was a frantic, wild-eyed kid. Well, not a kid, the guy looked actually only a couple years younger than him. But it was easy to call him that because he had big, brown, doe eyes. Since the kid was lying on top of him, john could tell he was pretty light, probably underweight, and he was wearing some sort of lipstick. violet, to be exact. The guy crashed into john, right under a lampost, so john could see almost every detail of the stranger. Including the bruises. The poor kid seemed to be covered in them. There was one developing around his left eye- no signs of a black eye though, that was odd. There were bruises around his that lips that were almost concealed by the lipstick, but not quite, and there were hickeys. Lots of them, all over his neck and- were those fucking  _ teeth marks?  _ Either this dude was into some seriously kinky stuff, or he was in a seriously fucked-up situation. For the guys sake he really hoped it was the former.

  


“uh,w,what?” the kid gasped out, breathless. He must have been running for a while.

  


“I asked if you were okay.”

  


The guy let out a choked gasp, and immediately leapt off john, probably realizing how close they were pressed up together. Upon sitting up, John noticed that he was wearing sinfully tight black leather shorts, a pink see-through crop-top that fell off one of his shoulders, and a black leather collar which had a small but strong-looking padlock. jesus fuck. He wasn’t wearing any shoes, either. Overall not a good wardrobe choice for the beginning of september

  


“Uh, yeah, i’m fine- never been better, actually. I’m sorry for knocking you over.”

  


The stranger kept pacing his feet and glancing around their surroundings with big, scared eyes, playing with his greasy shoulder length hair. John slowly got up and stomped on the forgotten cigarette, making the kid flinch, which caused guilt to squirm in his chest, and he gave the guy an apologetic look.

  


“It’s fine, dude. D’you mind telling me what's up?” john probed a little, just to see if he needed some help. he was getting more and more worried about just what type of situation this kid might be in. the guy in question gave john a wide-eyed look, before shaking his head so fast, john got slightly concerned he gave himself whiplash.

  


“Nope-nope i’m fine everything's fine, honest, just having-uh, a midnight run.”he flashed john a smile so fake it was actually painful to look at.

  


John raised an eyebrow, and the kid sighed and deflated a little. It was clear that his horrible, on-the-spot lies were getting no-one anywhere.

  


“At least give me your name. mine’s john.” he did what he hoped was a disarming smile. The type of smile that says ‘hey, i'm on your side, i won’t hurt you.’

  


“My-” he gulped. “My name’s... Alex.” Alex said the name like it was special, which was weird, it was just a name, but hey, john didn’t know this guy’s life.

“Okay, so, alex, these bruises look pretty bad. If you’re trying to get away from an abusive situation we should probably report this to the poli-”

  


“No!” alex practically  _ screamed _ and lunged forward, his hands held up in front of john’s chest but not actually touching him.

  


“No please, i’ll do whatever you want-they’ll find me-i  _ can’t  _ go to the police-not again- please don't- i'll do whatever you want- _ please.”  _ alex broke off with a choked sob, bringing down his hands and stepping back. He hugged himself and said so quietly that john almost didn’t hear. “please don’t make me go back.” he got the impression he wasn’t supposed to hear that.

  


Fuck. if alex was that scared of the police, then how the hell would he feel about a hospital? This whole thing was getting more and more messed up. What had happened to alex that made him so scared of the police? Was he a prostitute who got arrested and was on the run? Shit, that was actually a pretty sound theory, especially with the clothes he was wearing. John really shouldn't get mixed up in this, but those bruises… bites could get seriously infected, and forgive him for assuming, but it didn’t look like alex had health insurance. There was absolutely no way john’s morals was going to let him leave alex all alone wandering on the streets, but if alex didn’t want to do any of the other options, then...

  


“...what about a hospital?”

  


Alex firmly shook his head, eyes on the ground.

  


“Shit...” he mumbled and bit his lip. He wanted a cigarette. Alex didn't want to go to the authorities and john couldn't very well force him. (well he could but he wasn’t an ass.) and from the view alex’s clothes gave him of his body, said that alex definitely needed a check-up, if only to make sure there wasn’t any infections or broken bones. The best course of action (the way john saw it anyway) was to offer to take alex back to his apartment, and treat the bruises himself. John was a nurse, so he was qualified to do so, but if the wounds were too serious, and alex continued to deny care, he would have no but to let him go. john  _ really _ hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

  


He heaved a sigh, making alex look up at him, but not making eye contact. He hadn't made eye contact once since the ten minutes they met each other.

  


“How do you feel about coming to my apartment and letting me treat your wounds? i’m a nurse so i'm qualified to help. You can even stay over for a while, if you need to. but If not then i’m afraid i’m just gonna have to let you go on your way.”

  


Alex stared at his general direction for a long time. John was starting to think he was just going to tell him to fuck off, and run into the night, when alex said ”...you’re a nurse who smokes cigarettes?”

  


Honestly, John wasn't expecting that, and he let out a surprised chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck and shrugging.

  


“Yeah, ironic, i know. I save people’s lives yet i’m slowly killing myself,” he trailed of with a weak giggle. Alex wasn’t laughing. They stood in awkward silence for a while longer before alex drew himself up to his full height, (which honestly wasn’t much at all.) and looked john dead in the eye.

  


“Okay.”

  


XXXX

  


John opened his phone, looking behind to check if alex was still following him. He was. He bit his lip and then opened his, herc, and laf’s group chat, titled ‘the rev squad’. Crap, john doesn't know what he’d say to alex if they said a firm  _ no. _ he gulped and little and started texting.

  


**Freckled_king**

  


**_Guys got a situation here_ **

  
  


**HERCuleeeEEESS**

  


**_You havent got mugged have you_ **

  
  


**Freckled_king**

  


**_No but this guy ran into me and he looks really bad_ **

  
  


**Freckled_king**

  


**_Hes all beat up and scared he isnt that much younger than me_ **

  
  


**lafaYEET**

  


**_Perhaps he is running from an abusive family member/s or partner?_ **

  
  


**Freckled_king**

  


**_That’s what i thought at first but he's wearing prostitute clothing and refuses to go to the police or hospital_ **

  
  


**Freckled_king**

  


**_I think he's a prostitute who got arrested but he managed to get away_ **

  
  


**HERCuleeeEEESS**

  


**_Fuck you sure?_ **

  
  


**Freckled_king**

  


**_Pretty sure. Is it alright if i take him back to our place? I can check his injuries there and from then on we can decide what to do_ **

  
  


**lafaYEET**

  


**_Of course make sure he's okay_ **

  
  


**HERCuleeeEEESS**

  


**_Yeah sure_ **

  
  


**Freckled_king**

  


**_Seriously thanks guys we’ll see u later_ **


	2. In which alex meets the rev squad and he thinks a lot

Alex was scared, as per usual, and if he was honest, a little bewildered. When he got woken up this morning via bucket-face of cold water, he thought it was just going to be like every other day in this pitiful excuse of a life. Stay locked in his room, be forced to serve clients, then at night, walk around in clubs seducing horny men for money, trying to earn a couple thousand so reynolds and lee wouldn’t punish him again. (that is to say, beat him and fuck him till he could hardly breathe) but when the club he was in turned out to be absolutely swimming with undercover FBI cops, he booked it. One of the cops caught him at the door and knocked him  _ hard _ on the side of his face to stun him. It worked, his vision blurred and distorted, and for a couple of seconds he had lolled in the policeman’s grip. But the policeman underestimated how quickly alex could recover, and before he could put him in handcuffs, alex had elbowed him hard in the nose -possibly breaking it- before kicking off the stupid high heels reynolds made him wear, and running as fast as he possibly could.

 

He thought he was safe until he heard the sounds of angry policemen pursuing him. In a desperate attempt to throw them off his track, he ran in a completely random direction, running left and right. He had to stop to take a break multiple times, his beaten-up body crying for him to stop. His diet of stale bread and occasional moldy fruit and vegetables weren’t helping matters. but his his panic urged him to keep on running until he realized that in his blind panic and pain-distorted haze, he had never been on this side of town once, in all the years he had lived in america. He had no idea how to get back.

 

Alex remembered the suffocating realization that he had accidentally ran away.

 

At first he remembered feeling overwhelming, crushing relief. Ever since he was first taken when he was twelve, he had always dreamed of escape, but never dared to, having personally witnessed what happened to slaves when they had attempted to run away, but hell if he was going to throw away his shot at an actual life.

 

Then he remembered being terrified. The brothel was all he had known for so long, he didn't know how to  _ have  _ an actual life. He had read in books that he managed to steal and read without reynolds finding out, where the protagonist would face a life-changing decision, and spend pages thinking about which choice to make. The Ditherer trope, if he remembered correctly. Whenever alex encountered that trope in a book, he’d get irritated, his younger self thinking, ‘ _ why don’t they just get on with it and make a choice?! There’s only a few pages left! _ ’ now that alex was actually living the trope, he could understand where the characters were coming from. One option would change his life drastically, for better or for worse, while the other, safer, option he knew he would live to regret.

 

If there was one emotion alex really didn’t like, it was regret.

 

He took a deep shuddering breath. Despite his body’s protests he had started to run again, chest aching, feeling like it was on fire, despite nearly losing his balance multiple times due to his throbbing head injury. despite all of his bruises, cuts and bites aching. despite the goddamn bondadge collar practically choking him. despite all that, he kept going. He refused to throw away his shot.

 

XXXX

 

Alex had no idea how long he ran. He just knew he ran until he crashed into john. John was like no man he had ever met. He had soft, kind eyes, the type that made you think that he genuinely cared, though Alex knew it wasn’t genuine, and he was careful to keep his guard up, although it was harder than it should’ve been. It had been a long time someone cared enough to pretend they actually gave a damn about him. He looked up at john now. He had put his phone away after tapping on it for a while and was talking about his friends at his home were both quite tall and big people but don’t worry they wouldn’t hurt a fly. One thing about john that alex let himself like was that he kept calling him ‘alex.’ in the brothel everyone just called him ‘slut’ or ‘whore’ or by the alias king forced him to take: ‘lexii’. It was stupid, but he felt like he’d regained a part of himself that he thought died long ago.

 

“We’re here.”

 

He was jerked out of his thoughts by john. Right. he was getting his bruises checked. He wasn't sure why john was acting like he wanted to ‘patch his wounds’ when john wasn’t at all obliged to care about him, especially when he had to deal with his silly little breakdown over going to the police. (granted he was scared of getting arrested and this all would be for naught, but that was no excuse). Unless he was planning to take alex to his apartment to fuck him. That was probably it. The thought made a jolt of panic writhe in his gut, making his chest tighten, so he rubbed the end of his (very) thin crop-top between his fingers in an attempt to ground himself. Maybe if alex asked nicely and did exactly what john wanted, he would give alex a few hundred bucks (nurses made that type of money right?),  and alex could find a cheap place to rest for the night.

 

He nodded a bit to himself. Sounds like a plan.

 

“Um, alex?”

 

Fuckballs. Alex was thinking about something else when john was talking. Now he was going to get pissed at him. Alex rubbed his crop-top between his fingers harder. And forced himself to concentrate on what john was saying.

 

“I-i’m sorry what did you say?” he cursed himself for the stutter.

 

“Oh- i was saying that i texted laf and herc while we were walking here-” alex assumed laf and herc were john’s friends. ”-so they both know that you’re coming. But, uh, be warned, they can be kind of… intense?” alex felt dread twist in his gut again and he fought to keep his face blank.

 

He nodded. ”oh, that’s okay i don’t mind,” he actually really  _ did  _ mind but there was a chance they would pay him more if he managed to take a pounding from three people  _ and _ put on a good enough show for them. People were usually impressed whenever he managed to do that. Perhaps they would be so impressed that if alex was careful he would have enough money for food as well as lodgings.

 

Again being dragged out of his thoughts by the clinking of keys, alex steeled himself and watched john go in. curling his hands into fists by his sides, (clients hated it whenever he fidgeted for some reason.) he quickly followed close behind john, only immediately after he stepped over the threshold he squinted in the sudden bright light. It made sense, seeing as alex had spent the night so far outside so his eyes were well adjusted to the dark. When his eyes grew used enough to the light he cautiously relaxed them, and found two pairs of eyes staring back.

 

He risked a quick glance to john and saw that he was smiling nervously the two other men in the room. He didn’t know how to react to that, so he just hunched his shoulders and stared at the floor, wrapping his arms around his torso. He saw the big guy’s feet shift, as if he was for some reason looking away from alex.

 

“Oh my god…” a deep heavily french-accented voice murmured. Alex felt John tense up and did the same. Maybe the french guy was mad at john and was going to take it out on alex? And the big guy was just turning a blind eye, pretending it wasn’t really happening? That happened with customers more than one would think. He bit his lip, ruining his violet lipstick further and making the bruises on his lip hurt. Oh shit bruises he really hoped the french guy would go easy on him he already had so many goddamn bru-

 

“He is absolutely adorable!”

 

...what? Alex snapped his head up to the french guy and saw him smiling like an idiot, hands on his cheeks. That was...new. He bounded towards alex, who tried and failed to suppress a flinch when he grabbed his arms. If the french guy noticed it he didn’t say anything.

 

“Oh my goodness, and so small too! My name’s Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette, but please call me laf. And use they/them pronouns, however masculine or feminine i look, please and thank you. Ooh your clothes are quite cute! Perhaps you would let me wear them. Oh, but they won't fit... Hercules! Can you make me clothes exactly like these but my size?” lafayette turned to look at the big guy behind them-apparently named hercules.

 

“Laf, don't overwhelm the poor kid. He obviously had a rough night, look at him.” they big guy- apparently ‘hercules’ gestured to alex with one hand.

 

Lafayette whipped their head around to look at alex again. Then immediately let go of him, an odd look on their face that alex couldn’t decipher, although granted, alex wasn’t that great at identifying facial expressions in the first place. Perhaps he did something wrong?

 

“I am so sorry  _ mon ami  _ i tend to forget myself when i am excited.”

 

Alex jerkily nodded in acknowledgement of their apology, feeling overwhelmed in spite of hercules subtly ordering him not to get overwhelmed. (he knew hercules was ordering him not to get overwhelmed, through telling lafayette not to make him overwhelmed, it was a tactic reynolds used to make sure he behaved on the rare occasions they were outside together.) This wasn’t the greeting he expected. He had expected intense, predatorial, lustful stares. Maybe for hercules to walk over, push him to his knees and conduct business.

 

He felt john shuffle and move beside him, “hey laf do you think we have any clothes that are alex’s size? You must be freezing.” john turned to look at alex after that statement, looking for confirmation. Despite his skepticism of why john even  _ cared _ whether or not he was cold, he nodded, because he was actually freezing. he couldn't feel his hands or his feet and his see-through crop-top wasn’t exactly helpful, his leather shorts were pinching and pulling all the wrong places making it incredibly uncomfortable to walk, he had no idea how he managed to run half the night in those. And his  _ fucking  _ collar was pressed hard against his adam’s apple, making swallowing hurt. Yeah, he was happy for a change of clothes. If they cared about him being cold then logically, the clothes they were offering would hopefully be slightly better than what he was wearing now..

 

“Of course, you are about the same size as  _ petit lion _ , no? Do you mind if i look through your wardrobe?” they asked john

 

Little lion? They had only just met, why was lafayette giving him nicknames like that? They didn’t know him. Unless they had some sort of weird french-animal-name-kink. Which was random, but not the worst kink alex ever had to deal with.

 

“If you’re sure we’re the same size,” john chuckled but lafayette didn’t seem to hear him. They were staring very intensely at alex’s face. He resisted the urge to squirm, reminded of when he was first taken, being looked over like livestock, only to be sold off to the highest bidder.

 

Lafayette must have had their fill of whatever they were looking at, because they suddenly said, ” _ do you know french, my friend?” _

 

Oh, they must have saw his expression at being called  _ petit lion _ . Which was kind of discouraging, because alex had been trying to keep a blank face so far, but he had always been an open book.

 

“Uh, yes and no, i understand french, but i can’t really speak it anymore...” alex trailed off, hoping that the truth was the answer lafayette was okay with hearing.

 

_ “Ah, then perhaps i could help remind you, hm?”  _ they smiled at him, but before alex could answer, hercules cutted in.

 

“Urgh, great! Now laf has someone, to plan pranks behind my back and i’ll be none the wiser!”

 

Alex went to hurriedly reassure hercules that he was sorry and that he would never play pranks, or go behind any of their backs, ever, honest, but before alex could even open his mouth, lafayette threw back their head and laughed, patting hercules on the shoulder.

 

“Ah, you know you love me, herc, but i will get some clothes for  _ alexandre  _ now,” huh,  _ alexandre _ , that was new. Alex watched somewhat numbly as lafayette departed, suddenly feeling incredibly tired. The night of running must finally be catching up to him.

 

John turned to him,“Okay alex, while laf finds clothes for you, i’ll be getting the first aid kit, hercules can show you to the living room, is that alright?”

 

Alex only nodded, as he was hit with a sudden wave of exhaustion. The night he spent running must have finally taken a toll on him. He obediently followed hercules out into the living room, eyes on the ground, not even keeping track of where they were going. Which alex is sure will come back to bite him in the ass later, but everything was so  _ heavy _ . Alex vaguely noticed that they were in a room with a tv, coffee table and a couple of sofas.  _ Perfect.  _ he didn’t even care that he was probably not allowed to sleep, future alex will just have to deal with the fallout. He walked over and sat on the nearest sofa, ignoring when his bruised body twinged in protest, and sighed when he could finally rest his aching feet. He was vaguely aware of hercules talking, but alex was far too tired to process whatever he might be saying. He waited for hercules to leave the room, before leaning over, and laying on the couch. Alex usually slept on the floor, since whores like him didn’t deserve to sleep on a bed like actual people, unless king wanted to spend some quality time with him, then he would wake up with his wrists zip-tied to the headboard, hands completely numb...

 

He hoped…

 

...He wouldn’t wake up…

 

...Like...that…

 

Alex fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh. so let me know if you want me to tag anything.


	3. In which the rev squad worries

John reached up to grab the medical kit from the cabinet. His chest felt hallow and he felt like he was shaking, even though he wasn’t. John guessed it was from him finally absorbing the situation. In their living room was a runaway prostitute, who might have policemen searching for him. That would be bad for john, if the policemen showed up at his doorstep, would he get arrested for encouraging illegal activity? Was that even a thing? What john’s anxiety was telling him to do was to clean up alex’s wounds and send him off to homeless shelter or something, that is, if alex was homeless. But… john couldn’t just dich him like that, alex probably had an anxiety disorder or something, and all the people in there just wouldn’t bode well for him. But john also didn’t want to get arrested.

 

John sucked in a deep breath and let it out. He would play by ear and just pray that the policemen weren’t looking for alex. He didn’t want to think about all the legal shit he and his friends would be in if that was the case. John turned around as he heard hercules’ footsteps behind him.

 

“Hey man, you alright?” hercules asked, crossing his arms and tilting his head slightly, forever the dad of the group.

 

“Uh, i’m fine, i’m just…” john shrugged ”...worried about alex. How is he?”

 

Hercules sighed “he seemed pretty out of it when i took him to the living room, hadn’t said a word to me.”

 

“Yeah, from the looks of it, alex’s been running all night, plus, those bruises look pretty bad, so that might be adding to his, uh, out-of-it-nes.”

 

Hercules sighed and clenched his fists “i just can’t believe a kid would have to resort to shit like that.” he looked up at john. “It’s not fucking fair”

 

He gave hercules a sad look “i know, herc, but life isn’t fair, also, alex is probably only a couple of years younger than me,” he pointed out.

 

“you’re only, like, twenty-five, john!” he threw his hands up. “It’s not like you’re in your late sixties! And just because life isn’t fair doesn't mean that shit like that gets to exist!”

 

John didn’t say anything, and the two men stared at each other in silence before hercules sighed. “Do you have the med kit?”

 

John lifted up said med kit “ yup, all in here. I restocked it when laf nearly chopped off their finger last week.”

 

Hercules quietly chuckled “y’know, speaking of laf, i'll go see how they're faring. You go patch up the kid.”

 

John gave him a small smile as he pushed past him and and made his way into the living room, only to find alex curled up in a ball, fast asleep. John stopped and stood there, debating whether or not he should wake him up. On one hand, alex was catching up on some much-needed sleep, judging by the dark bruises under his eyes. On the other, he could have injuries that needed his immediate attention, possibly hospital intervention. John couldn’t let him keep on hurting as well. The bruises and cuts must more than ache.

 

He was startled out of his thoughts by gentle hand on his shoulder.

 

“ _ Mon ami _ are you alright? You have been standing there for quite a while,” lafayette gently asked, holding a pile of clothes in one arm.

 

Why was everyone asking him if he was alright? “Yeah, laf, i’m fine. I’m just wondering whether i should wake him up,” he nodded towards alex, and laf raised their eyebrows, as if only just noticing him.

 

“Perhaps you should” they were quieter now.”those bruises look like they hurt,  _ oui?” _

 

John nodded.”that’s what i was just thinking”

 

Lafayette nodded back and patted his back, clearly implying that john was the one to wake alex up. He gave them a half-hearted glare before gingerly making his way towards alex and gently shaking his shoulder. He only had to shake one or twice before alex shot up with a gasp, very nearly head-butting john in the nose.

 

“Shit!” john lept back, about to glare at laf for making him wake up alex, before he noticed that alex was hyperventilating. Shit. he didn’t know how to calm down people from a panic attack, he never had the opportunity to learn at the hospital, and he was pretty sure lafayette didn’t either. Where the fuck was hercules? He was the only one out of the three who knew how, and he had apparently disappeared into the void at literally the most inconvenient time.

 

“What the fuck’s going on?”well, speak of the devil and he shall appear.

 

“john tried to wake Alex up to treat his wounds” lafayette supplied.

 

Hercules gave them both his signature ‘how the hell did you idiots even survive before you met me?’ look, before going over to alex and crouching before him, hands held up in front of his chest, probably to show he meant no harm. ”hey, hey, it’s fine you’re not in any danger, john was just trying to wake you up, that's all. C’mon, count with me, one, two, three, four, five, inhale, one, two, three, four, five exhale,” john could see alex making a considerable effort to match hercules’ breathing, and within five minutes alex’s breathing was back to normal, if a little shaky. Alex gulped, and said “i’m sorry.” 

 

“Hey, don’t be. It was my own fault for trying to wake you up like that anyway” john butted in, just as herc was about to say something, he wanted to let alex know that he honestly didn’t mean to make him panic, he just wanted him to wake up so john could check his injuries. Speaking of which, he better get about doing that. He walked towards alex, not missing his little flinch, and crouched down just as hercules got up to sit down in one of the other sofas lafayette also decided to occupy. “do you mind if i check your injuries? I got the med kit right here.” john picked up the med kit and showed it to alex, who looked at it, then glanced anxiously at the two other people in the room.

 

“It’s alright, we can leave if you want us to,” said hercules, already getting up to leave.

 

“I-if you want to stay, you can,” alex said suddenly, although john noticed he didn’t seem to be comfortable with that idea, with the way he kept anxiously rubbing the hem of his crop-top between his fingers. 

 

Laf seemed to notice too. “Ah, it is no big deal, i’ll just leave the clothes here, you can put them on when  _ petit lapin _ is finished,” alex gave laf a funny look, he was probably wondering why john’s nickname was little rabbit. lafayette walked out after hercules, giving alex a smile, he tried to reciprocate the smile but it came out as more of a grimace. It didn’t escape john’s notice that he had tensed up after laf finished talking, although he wasn’t really sure why.

 

John opened the med kit. “Alright if it’s okay with you, can you take off your crop-top?”

 

alex stared at him for a while, (john noticed he was looking at his nose not his eyes,) before saying “oh, um, yeah, sure, if you want,” he quickly took off his crop-top, giving john a better view of his injuries, and... Jeez, john had tried to keep his eyes to himself before but now that he was looking, he saw that this was bad. There were deep and dark bruises of varying size and color, all over his torso, and handprints all over his arms, as if multiple people had held him down. Not to mention the the bruises that could be seen from the top of his shorts. There were also vicious hickeys all over his body, including around his thighs. In short, alex’s body looked like it had seen shit. John looked up at alex himself and saw alex’s eyes locked onto john’s hands, carefully keeping track of their every movement.  John slowly reached into the med kit, taking out bandages, arnica cream, and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, paired with a cloth.

 

“Okay, so first, i’m just gonna put some arnica cream on you, that will help heal the bruises. Is that okay?” he ignored alex’s confused glance and waited for permission to put on the cream, doing so when he received alex’s nod. He squirted some on his fingers and went to gently rub in the cream on a particularly nasty bruise on alex’s shoulder. he tried to not be disturbed how the moment john’s fingers touched alex’s skin he went completely limp under john’s hands, lifelessly letting john move his arms to get access to the side of his body. When john dabbed the hydrogen peroxide on the teeth marks alex flinched and let out a hiss, causing john to stop dead in his tracks.

 

“Shit,” john started, he was  _ not  _ good at dealing jumpy patients,”are you alright? I’m sorry i should’ve warned you-” 

 

“Don’t,” alex said quietly, but with surprising firmness,  “it’s fine, i just wasn’t expecting it.” 

 

John nodded, realizing that he probably overreacted a tiny bit. In his defence, he  _ was _ scared of triggering another panic attack. 

 

What was john thought was odd though, was the fact there were plenty of hickeys and a little bit of bites around the collarbones and shoulders, there was almost none around his neck, although that might be because of the bondadge collar. How long had he had that on anyways? he should probably ask alex to take it off so it wouldn’t rub against his healing bites. After treating the hickeys and bites,(and informing alex that he’d have to watch the bites for infections) john reached up to brush the hair away from his neck. Only to have him jerk away and look at him with something resembling betrayal.

 

John immediately apologized, ”’i’m sorry, i should have asked, that was really stupid of me.” goddamnit, he was a nurse, he should know better than to touch without asking, for christ’s sake. Alex didn’t say anything, only rubbed his neck above the collar and looked away. John couldn’t help but think that alex looked sad.

 

“...do you, um, have any injuries there?” he asked

 

Alex shook his head. He still looked sad.

 

“Well, um that’s it, we’re done. How do you feel?”

 

Alex made a face and moved his arms a bit. “The, um, the cream feels a bit weird.”

 

“Yeah, that’s to be expected,” john chuckled. “The clothes are over there, you can get changed in the bathroom, which is over there, there’s a lock if you want to use it” he added just in case. alex nodded and stood up to pick up his clothes, then head over to the bathroom. John sighed when he heard the click of a lock. What the hell was he going to do now?

  
  



	4. In which alex gets clothes

Alex, after internal debate, locked the door behind him. John had technically given him permission, since he pointed out the existence of the lock to alex, but mostly because he felt safer with the knowledge that none of john’s friends would ‘accidently’ walk in on him. that sort of thing didn’t really happened to him, as he was almost never allowed privacy in the first place, but a girl he’d met when he first came to america had told him about how her dad would always ‘accidently’ walk in on her in the bathroom. she had told alex that if he ever had the opportunity to lock the door behind him, take it. he smiled sadly at the memory of the girl, she said her name was maria. If she was still alive, (pretty wishful thinking,) she would have probably heard about alex’s little escapade by now, considering word tended to travel fast, and he was sure that  _ somebody  _ must’ve saw him running like the devil was on his heels. He didn’t even know  _ why _ he was thinking about her. it had been years, and they only ever had one conversation. Stupid, naive alex, always emotionally latching on to whoever bothered to throw him a scrap of attention.

 

Shaking his head to distract himself from his thoughts, he looked at the selection of clothing lafayette had given him. Loose, comfy, jeans, a t-shirt and a hoodie, boxers, and finally a pair of socks. All of the clothes looked comfy, but more importantly, covered up practically  _ everything. _ alex felt himself smile, he hadn't worn clothes that were both comfy and covering since before he got taken when he was twelve. He quickly threw on the the clothes, washed off his makeup, (hopefully, they wouldn’t get mad at him for that.) and took a moment to bask in how warm and covered he felt. It was so nice, after years and years of having to wear clothes that were tight and revealing, from the moment he got taken, to finally have something to hide his body again. Now if only he could take off his collar. It was kept on with a small lock, and alex didn’t have the key. (duh) he was pretty sure that even if he asked nicely, john and his friends probably wouldn’t help him take it off. 

 

Thinking of them… just exactly  _ what _ did john and his friends want him for? John has kept to his promise of fixing his injuries (they were feeling more soothed now, actually) and lafayette gave him clothes that covered his entire body, so alex had no idea what their motives were, and- he hated himself for it,  but he actually he longed for the horrible, yet familiar routine of the brothel. (it wasn’t  _ that _ bad was it?) he was still tired, his immediate panic attack right after his short lived nap had sapped all his remaining energy away, (how  _ stupid _ of him to think that john was reynolds) so right now, alex guessed that the best plan for now was to lay low, do what what john and his friends wanted him to do, and decide how to act when the outline of the far future became clear. (urgh, look at him, he was starting to sound like burr.)

 

Alex sighed and rubbed his neck, above the collar, where his barcode was. In king’s gang whores had to get barcodes tattooed on them, to make it clear that they were nothing more than a product. Alex didn’t remember getting his, although he supposed they drugged him, because there was no way would’ve let them do that to him without a fight. (he knew he hardly even qualified as a human, but he didn’t want the whole world to know. It wasn’t as if what he wanted mattered anyway.) Alex didn’t even notice he had it until reynolds made a snide remark about it, and it wasn’t like he could just march into a tattoo removal place. He wasn’t even really sure if they existed. the sick feeling in his gut he felt every time he thought about his barcode came to life, just as it did when he thought about his time in the brothel in general or whenever he thought about his mom- alex swallowed thickly. It would do him good not to think about his life before the brothel. It would make him want to curl up in a ball and cry.

 

He’d been in the bathroom for too long. Alex didn’t remember john stating a specific time limit, but there definitely was one, or else john wouldn't have let him change in the bathroom in the first place. he took a shaky breath, before he unlocked the door and walked into the living room, He could faintly make out john and his friends talking,but about what, alex had no idea. no choice but to interrupt, he opened the door to the living room, and stood, fidgeting. The atmosphere was quiet and a little tense. He hoped they weren’t angry with how long he took in the bathroom, or the fact that he took off his makeup.

 

Hercules smiled, “hey, you look a lot more comfy, alex, you warm?” he walked over to him, gently putting his arm on alex, to guide him to the couch.

 

“Y-yeah i am actually” alex said, sending him a pathetic smile as he sat down. He cursed himself for stuttering, he hadn’t meant to, but hercules’ arm on his distracted him, it made him think about lee. How he would always drag him around by his arm and if he thought alex wasn’t following fast enough, lee would tug him so hard that more than once, alex thought his arm had popped right out of his socket. He bit his lip and looked down, struggling to keep his breathing under control.

 

He just about jumped out of his skin when John cleared his throat, and alex quickly looked at him. Lafayette was standing behind john, and hercules was sitting in a single couch behind them.

 

“That collar looks pretty uncomfortable,” john said, looking as uncomfortable as alex’s collar felt. Which was very.

 

“...yes,” alex answered cautiously, not sure what john was getting at.

 

“So you should probably take it off, it’ll be rubbing against your, uh, bites.”

 

It was actually rubbing against his bites but it wasn’t as if alex had the choice to take it off, no matter how much he wanted too, surely john knew that?

 

“I-can’t” he answered bluntly, hoping that was the answer john wanted.

 

John’s eyes went wide for a second and he smiled, so maybe that was the right answer? There was something off about that smile, though. “What- what do you mean you can’t? Have you lost the key?” damn, john was thicker than he had previously assumed if alex had to drill this in his skull.

 

Fuck it- if alex was going to be punished for being a smartass then so be it, “ _ They _ never gave me a key in the first place, why the hell would they?”

 

Everyone had wide eyes now, and alex breath hitched, fight or flight responses kicking in. unfortunately, given his circumstances, alex couldn’t choose either, so he settled for fighting off the panic building up in his chest, and trying very hard to keep a straight face. (he was pretty sure he was failing.)

 

“...who’s ‘they’, alex? Why wouldn’t they give you a key?”

 

Alex decided to follow the advice that reynolds had told him for as long as he knew him, and kept his pretty mouth shut.

 

“ _ Mon petit lion?”  _ lafayette this time, alex averted his gaze to the ground again, just barely controlling his breathing.

 

Alex felt john get up from beside him and leave the room, and he couldn’t help but wince violently. he was in for it. Oh god he wished he didn’t talk back to john like that, john had done so much for alex in the short time alex had knew him and then alex went and talked to him like that alex deserved every bit of punishment now but he still wanted go run and hide why was he such a pathetic coward all he ever did was mooch off of others and made their lives miserable he wasn’t even a good fuck he was such a dirty whore why the fuck hasn’t he tied a bunch of bricks to his neck and jumped right off a giant fucking bridge-

 

“Hey.” alex snapped head up to look at hercules, only to find his vision blurred with tears. ”It’s okay, john just went to get scissors to cut your collar off, he just forgot to tell you what he was doing, he gets caught up in his own head like that.”

 

Alex sniffled, tears beginning to roll down his cheeks. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve. “Oh.”

 

He felt hercules shift closer to him-and he resisted the urge to shift away. “Don’t worry, it’s an honest mistake, laf once cried because they thought i was going to steal the last slice of pizza and not give it to them” lafayette made an affronted noise and gently slapped hercules’ shoulder, but he could tell it was in jest.

 

“ _ Gros ours!  _ I thought you were going to take that to your grave! You promised!”

 

Hercules just laughed and shrugged and his laughter was so infectious that it actually made alex laugh for the first time in ages, although he knew the hidden tension in the atmosphere was. Hercules probably lying to calm him down, and while he didn’t really feel as calm as he did before, he appreciated the effort. Alex’s weak chuckles tapered off as john entered the room. He quickly scanned john for any weapons or anything he could use to punish alex, just to get a foresight in what was to come. But he could only find a pair of scissors in john’s right hand. Alex suddenly wasn’t so sure that hercules had been lying anymore.

 

Not taking his eyes off of the scissors in john’s hand once, alex watched him walk across the room and sit down where hercules shifted to make room for john. Alex, not quite sure what was happening, just sat back stiff as a rod, hands folded in his lap, and waited for john to speak, hoping that he wasn’t planning to drive the scissors in his neck.

 

John spoke, “I, uh, as you can see, got the scissors so i can cut off your collar if you want.”

Alex blinked- of course, he’d been so stupid, john wouldn’t just patch his bruises and then go and beat him up, that would’ve been a complete waste of resources, if john wanted to beat alex, he would have waited until all of his injuries healed, and that was assuming alex wouldn’t get kicked out the second the sun rose.

 

Remembering he was supposed to answer when people asked him something alex responded, “yes. I do want.”

 

John’s turn to blink. Alex may had come off a little to blunt then, but it wasn’t as if he could turn back time and say something else. (although that would’ve very helpful for many instances in his life.)

 

“Uh, okay.. Feel free to tell me to stop, I know, well, i assume you don’t like people touching your neck so...” he trailed off and looked at alex, waiting for an answer. John was right about one thing, alex really didn’t like people touching his neck. It was just his bad luck that it was such a popular spot for bites and hickeys. Alex didn’t like people touching his neck, but he hated the collar that constantly reminded him just how dirty and used he was, so the choice was obvious.

 

alex didn’t say anything, just held his hair back from his chin and bared his neck, making it easier for john to reach in and cut off his collar.

 

“it would be safer if i cut from the back of your neck,” no fucking way. Then john would see his barcode, and his opinion of alex would sink even lower than it probably already was.

 

“just do it,” alex hoped john didn’t mind being ordered like that by a whore. Who was he kidding, of course he did.

 

John sighed, presumably in annoyance “okay, just lemme-” he cut himself off as he concentrated on cutting the collar off without cutting alex in process. Alex closed his eyes and held his breath, fighting off unwelcome memories as he felt the cool metal of the scissors slid up his neck, underneath his collar. He felt it move as john begin cutting, and as soon as he felt the collar slacken, he jerked away, hand going up to his throat. He marveled at how light his neck felt, the collar was heavier than he had realized. Alex felt john shift and heard him talk to his friends, but he paid it no mind.  _ His collar was off. _ He let out a breathy giggle. At this point it felt like one by one, he was abandoning the burdens he carried at the brothel. Both literally and metaphorically! (although he couldn’t help but feel that with each burden he abandoned, he became more and more of an imposter.)

(he wasn’t person, he should stop acting like it.)

“ _ Mon ami?” _

 

Alex looked up from where he’d been staring at the floor, to look up at lafayette’s concerned face. For a brief moment alex wondered what they were so worried about but he dismissed it, and focused on what lafayette was saying.

 

“Now that we got that out of the way, we were wondering if it was alright if asked a few questions”

 

Alex smile slipped off his face. what  _ sort  _ of questions? Alex wanted to ask, but he knew better than to sass them like that, they may have tolerated it with john, but they probably had a three strikes and you’re out rule, so instead he replied, “uh, sure if-if you want” alex  hoped his stutter didn’t reveal how much he  _ didn’t  _ want to. There were so many different things that one sentence could mean, they could be asking him questions that slowly became more and more personal and before he knew it, he was sobbing in the sheets, begging for it to stop. They could also be asking him questions to find out his weaknesses, how to jab and wear him down the most soul-grinding way possible.

 

Unfortunately, hercules did notice alex’s nervousness, although he didn’t seem mad. Either it was because he had yet to get mad, or hercules was just that good an actor. Alex hoped it was the former, at least he had a chance to keep him calm. 

 

“If you don’t want to we don’t have to.” he said. Which caused instant suspicion to well up inside of him. Any time someone said that they usually meant, ‘i’m testing to see how good of a bitch you are, and if you say no, i’ll give you a pounding you won’t soon forget.’ although the context was significantly different here, alex figured it still applied.

 

“It’s okay i honestly don’t mind.” alex made himself smile to seem more convincing.

 

Hercules raised an eyebrow. “Are you being honest?” was that not the answer he wanted? Shit, what the fuck does he want him to say? Flat out no? After a beat of silence, hercules continued, “because we won’t get mad if you say no or anything, and between you and me, you look tired as shit. So if you want, you could totally take the guest room with the lock, and sleep for the rest of the night, right guys?”

 

“Oh, yeah!”

 

“Don’t let us get in the way of your beauty sleep, _ petit lion! _ ”

 

Alex looked between the three of them, utterly confused. Why were they so eager for him to take a nap? Did they want to- no hercules said that the guest room had a lock, so maybe they were just tired? Alex had come barging in the middle of the night, forcing them to miss out on what lafayette called it, ‘beauty sleep.’ he  _ was _ tired as well, so he begrudgingly agreed.

  
Lafayette wanted to show him to the guest room and alex complied, following them to the guest room, (and  _ again  _ not keeping track of where he was going, he was on a roll today.) after lafayette left, he closed the door behind them and locked it, double-checking to make sure it wasn’t fake and this was all an elaborate trick. After he was momentarily satisfied, he staggered over to the bed and flopped on it, ignoring the swell of panic, trying to remind him what being on a bed meant in the past, and allowed himself to sink into a deep, dream.


	5. In which alex gets quizzed

After Lafayette left with alex to show him the quest room, john and hercules shared a horrified look.  _ Holy shit. _ Alex wasn’t a prostitute, alex was a victim of  _ sex trafficking _ .  _ Sexual slavery. _ John wanted to throw up, and from the look on herc’s face, it was mutual.

Of course, they both could be reading into this completely the wrong way. But… the way alex had reacted when john cut off the collar, the way alex had said the word ‘ _ they _ ’, thick with disgust and resignation. The mere implication that alex wasn’t given a choice whether or not he wanted to wear the damn thing, was alarming enough on its own. Especially when john could feel in his hand, how tight and uncomfortable it must have been. john heard a meow, and turned to find hercules sadly stroking gilbert, making him purr. Gilbert must have been waiting for alex to leave the group’s presence so he could get pets. he didn’t like strangers. The two looked up as lafayette entered the room, gilbert jumped off the couch to greet them, and they responded by picking gilbert up, giving him a firm scratch to the neck.

 

“ _ mes amies. _ ” lafayette said gravely. “the fuck do we do now?”

 

“sleep.” herc mumbled

 

Lafayette grinned “A brilliant idea!” they grabbed hercules by the arm and dragged him to their shared bedroom. John wanted to follow them to protest, about to ask what if alex was secretly a murderer? What if he was lying? Implying that he was a victim of sex trafficking, just to manipulate them into letting him stay their apartment? Or worse, john read about pimps sending out ‘broken in’ slaves to trick people into becoming slaves themselves. What if alex was a broken in slave? What was john supposed to do?! He guessed he could kick alex out, but what if he was telling the truth? John knew what it felt like to have someone dismiss what you went through, say that you were just ‘attention seeking’ even though you knew damn well they could see the bruises, knew what was going on. John didn’t want to be that person for alex. Besides, he could be blowing things way out of proportion, alex could have just said one thing while he meant the other. It was pretty likely, seeing as he was already drained and tired. So was john. He needed to go to bed. But first, to calm his nerves, a cigarette.

 

XXXX

 

Honestly, sleep was magical. His body was tired? Just lay still, hallucinate vividly for hours, and he’s right as rain. Bless whoever invented sleep. John got up from bed, (from hours of hallucinating vividly) and made his way into the kitchen, where he found hercules, laf and gilbert, sitting on the bench, talking. Herc looked up when he came in.

 

“Hey dude, have a good night?”

 

“Yup” john said simply, checking to see if there was any coffee left in the pot. Nope. goddamnit. “Wait, where’s alex?” shit. He had completely forgotten about him.

 

“Do not worry your freckled little face, john,” lafayette soothed. They looked like a kindly old grandma with gilbert in his lap,“he is still in bed, as herc said when we first met him, he had a rough night.”

 

“Yeah…” john murmured “...is, uh, no-one going to address the elephant in the room?”

 

“I don’t see any elepha-” laf was about to say before the door burst open with a BANG, causing gilbert to leap of laf’s lap and go rocketing out of the room.

 

“Who is ready to marathon steven universe?!?!” dear lord, it was peggy.

 

“Peggy calm down, we can’t all be morning birds like you,” angelica came in after her and put her hand on her sister’s shoulder.

 

Peggy looked at her confused, “but you’re a morning bird.”

 

“I was talking about eliza,” angie jerked her head to eliza, who, judging by her eye bags and slouched posture, had honestly seen better days in her twenty-six years of life.

 

“Excuse me, but what the fuck is happening?” john said, a little panicked. 

 

The schuyler sisters minus eliza looked at john like he was crazy, while eliza murmured a quiet “that’s what i’d like to know,” under her breath. 

 

“Uh, hello?!” peggy waved her arms, ”We always come over in the mornings, john!”

 

Eliza nodded sleepily “although i will admit, we aren’t really consistent in  _ which _ morning we come over.”

 

Hercules slid off the counter and walked towards the sisters, “yeah, that’s great, but you kinda caught us at a bad time.”

 

Angelica quirked her eyebrow, “what type of bad time?” she asked suspiciously.

 

“Are you finally kicking john out?” eliza mumbled. John made a wounded noise. She smiled apologetically. “Don’t worry i love you really.”

 

“What type of bad time?” angelica repeated, not known for her patience. 

 

Lafayette rubbed his arms “It is a… how you say… sort of-”

 

“I met a guy last night who might either be a prostitute, or a runaway sex slave, or neither. he was really beaten up, so i took him here and patched him up. He’s sleeping in the guest room right now.” john interrupted laf, if only to just to get it over with.

 

The sisters stared at john for long while, before peggy giggled nervously, ”oh, haha good one john, you almost got me there…” trailing off when no one said anything, she looked down at her feet. “Fuck.”

 

“have you asked him anything?” eliza asked, now fully awake.

 

John shook his head. “Not yet, he was pretty tired when he came over.”

 

“Yeah he looked like he was about to collapse, he even fell asleep on the couch at one point.”

 

Angelica crossed her arms. “Well someone needs to wake him up and ask him what’s going on, right eliza?”

 

“That would help us figure out what to do, but you can’t just drag him in the living and force him to talk.”

 

“Yeah, i agree with eliza,” hercules asked “he had a panic attack when i woke him up, last night,”

 

“Well eliza’s the shrink here,” peggy jerked her thumb at her, “let her handle this.”

 

Everyone in the room went quiet and looked at eliza, who didn’t look happy at all to be in the centre of attention. She crossed her arms and mumbled, ”i’m a research psychologist, not a therapist psychologist, peggy,”

“You still know better than any of us on how to handle this whole situation, eliza,” angelica pointed out.

 

Eliza sighed heavily, and john’s heart went out to her. “Alright, fine, but one of you guys will have to wake him up, which one of you is he most comfortable with?”

 

“Um, i calmed him down from a panic attack last night, he seems pretty chill with me.”

 

“That’ll have to work. Please bring him to the living room, and thoroughly explain to him why. We don’t want him to leap into any conclusions.”

 

Hercules nodded and left the room, john hoped alex wouldn’t be too freaked out by all this.

 

“We also don’t want to overwhelm him, so can everyone please wait in the kitchen? We have no idea what will trigger him, and what won’t.”

 

“hah! Trigger!”

 

“That meme is toxic, peggy,” she snapped

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

XXXX

 

John, lafayette, angelica, and peggy were all waiting in the kitchen in complete silence. It was safe to say that this moment was ranked on their top ten awkward group moments, although john wasn’t sure which number it was yet.

 

“ _ Mon ami? _ ” he felt laf gently nudge his shoulder, and he turned to look at them. “Earlier you said that we should ‘address the elephant in the room’ but i didn’t see any elephants. Is this another ridiculous english phrase i have to learn?”

 

John smiled and nodded, and laf groaned dramatically, throwing up their arms in the air. “ _ Pourquoi? anglais, pourquoi? Qu'est ce que je t'ai fait? _ ” john had no idea what they said, but peggy apparently did, because she snorted.

 

Just when john was about to ask when, how, and why peggy learnt french, eliza stuck her head out of the door, and said, “john, he wants you here.” huh, why did alex want john? Still, not about to refuse he got up from the chair he was residing in, and followed eliza back into the living room. As he entered his eyes immediately locked onto alex, who was sitting with his legs pulled to his chest, arms wrapped around them, his shoulders were tense.

 

“Alex didn’t feel comfortable with a stranger,” eliza explained, and john understood. Normally he would’ve considered himself a stranger to alex, but out of everyone here, john was the one who knew alex the longest.

 

Unsure what to do, he loitered in front of the couch for a couple of seconds, not knowing if alex was comfortable with him doing so, before alex himself gestured to the cushion seats. Having given permission, he sat down as far away from alex as possible, to give him space, and eliza sat down in the single couch.

 

“Okay alex, now that john is here, you alright with answering some questions about before you came here?”

 

Alex nodded slowly, watching her carefully.

 

Eliza smiled “first question, what’s your name?”

 

“Alex.”

 

“Your full name, i mean?”

 

“Alexander.”

 

Eliza’s smile slipped off a little. “Do you remember your last name?”

 

“...No” he said quietly, as if eliza would for some reason ridicule him. She smiled gently and nodded. She really was the best person to handle this. She practically radiated maternal well-being.

 

“Do you remember where you’re from?”

 

“I’m from nevis,” john blinked. he wasn't expecting that answer, if eliza wasn't either, she didn’t show it.

 

“Do you know how old you are?”

 

“... i think i’m 24.” why didn’t alex know? And shit, only a year older than peggy… and only a year younger than him. The thought made the whole situation feel more real. 

 

eliza quirked an eyebrow, “do you have any family or friends whom you trust we can contact?”

 

“... “ alex looked away, keeping his mouth shut. John found it hard to believe that he didn’t seem to have anyone he could trust. What the hell did that feel like? At least john had his friends and siblings to keep his sanity in check when his dad got bad.

 

“Remember that it’s okay to not answer questions, we won’t get mad,” she smiled, and  john thought how she would’ve made a great therapist if he had pursued that line of psychology. “were you running from a brothel?” shit, that escalated. he snapped his head from eliza, to alex, scanning him for signs of an oncoming panic attack. He only looked skeptical, though.

 

“...i was running from the police, and got lost whilst doing so.” so john’s theory about alex on the run from the police was right.

 

“were the police the ones who gave you your bruises?” eliza asked gently, and alex squirmed. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to,” she repeated.

 

“Only the one on the side of my eye.” alex was speaking so quietly he could barely be heard. For whatever reason alex glanced up at john, he looked close to crying.

 

“Uh, eliza, i think that’s enough.”eliza looked at john and then nodded sympathetically.

 

“You’re right, and i’m sorry alex, but this last question is necessary,” he didn’t look at her, just curling tighter. 

 

“This is the last question, i promise.” alex didn’t move. “Were you taken?”

 

Alex sniffled. “Yeah.”


	6. In which alex watches steven universe, bonds with peggy, finally eats something, and angsts

Alex was still exhausted, even after having the most amazing sleep undisturbed by nightmares for the first time in years. When hercules knocked on the door and explained  that his friends, whom alex hadn’t met yet, were going to question him. He knew that since they had let him sleep in a bed, and put healing creme his bruises and bites, he didn’t have much choice in the matter, he owed them too much. So when he followed hercules into the kitchen, he was surprised to find that the new people were three friendly looking women. In the brothel, all the people who wanted to hurt him or use him were men. Alex was pretty sure he’d never even been hired by a woman before in his life. So, using that logic, women were less likely to hurt him, so despite the fact that john and his friends were there, he relaxed just a bit. 

 

When the lady who said her name was ‘eliza’ questioned him, alex was fairly sure it wouldn’t turn sexual like it probably would’ve done with a man, but he was still anxious, despite his head telling him that women were safer alex found he still wanted john to be there. After that questioning was slightly easier, although he still ended up being a pathetic child and crying when they finished. When he eventually calmed himself down john told him that he and his friends were going out and would be right back. Initially he was scared that they were going to try find where he came from, to send him back. But a few minutes after they left, eliza had told him that they were just going to the police to report him. Alex wasn’t happy at the idea of the authorities knowing who, what and where he was, but there was nothing he could do about it.

 

Right now, he was sitting in the living room, with his arms wrapped around his legs, watching a tv show called ‘steven universe’ with what they called themselves, the ‘schuyler sisters’. he noted that they each sister seemed to have their own colour theme, eliza was greens and blues, angelica was red and pink and peggy was bright yellow and shimmery gold. (he secretly thought that peggy’s was the best.) alex had to fight the urge to stroke the shiny, rough, material of peggy’s cardigan.

 

“Oh, alex! This episode is my favourite! This the episode where steven meets his best friend connie, although they aren’t best friends yet! Steven saves her life by- oop spoilers.” she covered her mouth and alex could tell that from underneath her hand she was smiling

at him.

 

Alex smiled back though he hadn’t a lick of an idea what peggy was talking about, but he enjoyed her personality. He really wanted to rant to her about what  _ his _ favorite thing was. (which was politics, the law book he’d found in the trash had been his most favorite object, before reynolds found it and ripped it up. after that he took care not to get attached to trivial things like books.) but held himself back.

 

Just as peggy was about to tell him about what happens in the end of the first season, something about garnet being a fusion, angelica looked at peggy and frowned, and alex furrowed his brows, confused. As far as he could tell he didn’t do anything wrong, and neither did peggy. Maybe she didn’t like how loud she was getting? To be fair peggy’s voice  _ was _ hurting his ears a little. 

 

To his surprise, she just said, “alex are you hungry?” and just like that every eye in the room was on him, and he tensed up. He didn’t know the right answer. He was hungry, very much so. He didn’t get eat a lot in the brothel (in order to stay ‘pretty’ according to king.) but what little food he got were usually just stale bread and moldy vegetables, (and he tended to avoid the vegetables because they were moldy and he didn’t want to get sick. That, and they were gross.) but there were a lot of people in the apartment right now, so it was probably best not to waste any food. He was already in enough dept anyway. 

 

“No, i’m not hungry” he said, and angelica raised her eyebrow at him. A raised eyebrow usually meant he’d been caught out. John did it, hercules did it, so it only made sense that angelica did it. She suddenly stood up and alex leaned away from her, just in case he made her mad. 

 

Instead of yelling she smiled,“You sure? I make a mean bacon butty” she said. Alex knew what a bacon butty was, but he’d never tried one. He didn’t know if he would love it or hate it. Frankly, the fact that if you didn’t like whatever you were eating just didn't matter when food was limited. Food was food after all. He wrung his hands and was about to reply when peggy leaned her head on his shoulder. He surprised himself by not wanting to scoot away. 

 

“Dude, it’s true, her bacon buttys are the best. God knows how she does it.” angelica smiled wider and tapped her nose. Although alex had no idea why she did that, the prospect of bacon buttys were sounding more and more appealing. His grumbling stomach seemed to agree. He looked over at eliza to see what she had to say on the matter, she just shrugged and smiled.

 

“I could go for some bacon buttys”

 

“Then it’s decided!!!” peggy screeched  _ right in his ear  _ and he winced, hands going up to his ears to protect them.  _ That was really loud. _ Peggy didn’t seem to notice, or didn’t care, because she grabbed his arm, pulled him in the kitchen, then over to the table. It took alex a second to process exactly  _ what _ just happened and by the the time he caught up with the situation angelica was pushing a bacon butty on a plate towards him. 

 

He stared at it for a second before eliza patted his hand, prompting him to look up at her. She smiled, “take a bite alex, you’re skin and bones,” 

 

“ ‘liza! You’re such a grandma! Jeez,” moaned next to him. She had already finished her bacon butty and was eyeing angelica’s, who in turn glared at her.

 

Eliza smirked “ you’re just jealous i’ll be a better mom than you, peggy,”

 

Alex didn’t hear peggy’s reply, he had redirected his attention back on to the bacon butty, taking a big bite out of it, and wow, peggy wasn’t kidding when she said that angelica’s bacon butty’s were the best. Taking another bite, he quickly scarfed down the rest of the bacon butty. he was licking the grease off his fingers, when peggy burst out laughing. 

“Holy shit! You scarfed that down faster than i did! That’s like a world record!” alex blushed, realizing his mistake.

 

“I’m sorry”

 

Peggy was laughing too hard to say anything and angelica rolled her eyes. “Don’t apologise, alex. Peggy just has a really weird sense of humor. Since you liked my bacon buttys that much want another one?”

 

“Um, no thanks, i’m actually not hungry.” that wasn’t a lie. He always had a small stomach, he had to, in order to survive the brothel. Whores like him needed to stay skinny to look ‘pretty’. Although alex never had much interest in remaining pretty (it meant that more people would want to use him after all), it didn’t stop his body from adapting accordingly. Alex truly didn’t want another sandwich. If he wasn’t careful he’d end up puking, and then john and his friends would kick him out. By the way, where was john and his friends?

 

No sooner than that thought passed his head the door opened suddenly, making him jump.

 

“We’re back!” alex turned looked behind them to check for policemen waiting to take away, or maybe one of the gang members ready to take him back to king. He bit his lip and craned his head a little more. Nobody. He relaxed back into his previous position on the chair and bit his lip a little more. He was probably safe for now. Still, when hercules sat next to him he wrung his hands waiting for him to speak.

 

Hercules rubbed the back off his neck. “So uh, the good news is, we found out what your last name-”

 

“Really?” he interrupted. he didn’t expect that.

 

“ _ Oui mon petit lion,”  _ said lafayette from somewhere behind him. Alex turned around and saw that they were leaning on the kitchen bench “your name is alexander hamilton, quite a mouthful, no?”

Yeah, that sounded familiar, he tried it on his tongue.  _ Alexander hamilton.  _ Yeah, he remembered now! He had got his last name from his father, though try as he might, he couldn’t remember his face. That didn’t matter, he knew his full name now! He couldn’t help the big grin he was sporting on his face. It didn’t go away even when hercules cleared his throat alex with a solemn expression. Or was it pity?

 

“Alex, the bad new is, is that no ones, really… looking for you?” hercules winced and suddenly everyone looked sad. Alex was confused.

 

“...yeah, didn’t i say that i, that i had nobody to call?” he hated how he sounded a little ‘woe is me’ like. He didn’t want anyone to pity him. But from the looks everyone were giving him that was most certainly the case. He didn’t want pity.

 

“Yeah, but we figured that-” peggy was cut off with a sharp glare from eliza. Alex squirmed in his seat, steadily growing more and more uncomfortable and guilty.

 

“...so what’s gonna happen?” he cautiously asked. His hands wouldn’t stop fidgeting in his lap.

 

“Well, we talked it out with the policemen, and they said to bring you over there so that they can interrogate you in a week so until then you’re staying with us.” alex nodded looking down at his lap. An uncomfortable silence swept across the room, and alex chewed on the strings of his hoodies, waiting for somebody to say something. He got kinda into it so when someone tapped him on the shoulder, he flinched away, breath hitching. It was john. 

 

“...wanna go watch steven universe?”

 

Peggy leapt up, “yeah! Steven universe!” she exclaimed, probably eager to get rid off the silence.

 

The whole company traveled to the living room. The couch and the single sofa were not big enough to hold seven people, so alex, peggy and angelica all sat on the couch (despite alex saying that he would be fine on the floor) john and lafayette squeezed together on the single couch and eliza and hercules sat on the floor.

 

Alex tried to focus on the (annoying) opening theme, but just couldn’t. His mind kept wandering off too the ‘things he’d rather not think about’ section of his brain. He felt ashamed of himself for forgetting his last name. His mother always told him that the key to surviving a hard time was too never forget who you really were, which was exactly what alex went and did. His mom would’ve been so proud. 

 

…

 

The police apparently knew who he was now. And they weren’t breaking the door down to arrest him. He’d been arrested a couple of times. None of those times were a great experience. They’d catch him, and throw him into jail. (if he was unlucky they beat him beforehand. if he was  _ really _ unlucky, well…) they’d shine a bright light in his face and demand him to answer questions he didn’t know the answer to, and scream at him for being a whore. (he wasn’t allowed to tell them he didn’t have a choice.) all of this continued until reynolds finally came to pay bail, and he would be released. Although it certainly wasn’t the worst alex ever been through, being arrested was still on his ‘top ten things to avoid’ list. It was the reason alex ran like the wind when the FBI were after him, and the reason alex panicked when john suggested to report him to the police. The fact that he had to go to the police station next week, just made him want to run away all over again. When the police got everything they wanted from him, alex would either be arrested and put in jail for good, or sent back to john and his friends and be kicked to the curb now that they weren’t obliged to care about him anymore.

 

Shit. what was he going to do if it was the latter option? Since john and his friend’s didn’t  _ seem _ to want him for sex (although it was still a possibility), alex probably wouldn’t have any money to pay for a place to spend the night. He would have to sleep in the streets, and that would make it so much easier for king’s goons to find him, oh god what if he had to go back into prostitution just to earn money? Being a good fuck was the only thing he could do, and  _ he wasn’t even good at that- _

 

“Hey” someone was whispering, tapping his face. He turned to look, only to find their face blurred with tears, god he was so pathetic. “Hey, hey, none of that” the person wrapped their arms around him, and he recognized the voice now. It was peggy. Usually he wouldn’t been comfortable with anyone else touching him but for some reason, peggy was fine. He didn’t hug back but he wiped his eyes. So far no one else had noticed him overthinking and peggy’s efforts at comforting him. “Hey,” she whispered again. “I know you went through some stuff, and now your brains messed up, but you’re safe now, you don’t have to worry about anything.”

 

It wasn’t as simple as that, but he allowed himself to relax as much as he felt comfortable anyway, without his notice, his hand reached up and started rubbing peggy’s scratchy cardigan between his fingers. He sighed, and watched steven universe go on an adventure with his cheeseburger backpack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here it is, the last chapter that i wrote! thanks to everyone who read & commented despite how shitty it is lol. unfortunately the chances of me writing anything else for this is.... quite low. still, i hope people enjoyed it regardless.


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